He walks cautiously to his car; nods at another driver who just pulled in. As he unlocks his car door, he reflects on the events of the past few hours.
It had been a masterpiece of conversation, well placed laughs, and furtive glances around the room.
From the moment he walked through the door, a faction of loosely acquainted people coalesce around him. The bartender acknowledges him with a brief wave and a quick grin. He has only been in the door for a few seconds, but the competition for his attention is already impressive.
He smiles, clearly enjoying himself. It is a familiar ritual. He looks around the room, the bar had a stylish and sophisticated feel. He spots his friends a only a dozen steps away; separated, however, by a substantial crowd. It will be at least a few minutes before he can join them. No matter, the evening was young and they have plenty of time.
Before he knew it, he had a drink in his hand and a second one had already been offered. He was an expert at managing several conversations at once while greeting others and shaking hands. It was a talent he acquired with many years of practice. Tonight was unlike any other. He approaches each acquaintance as if they had been close friends for years. And with rapt attention, most reciprocate the treatment.
More than once he felt a tap on his shoulder from someone growing impatient with anticipation of approaching dialogue. He politely moves to the next conversation, all the while moving a step at a time closer to his friends. He glances in his friends' direction. They smile knowingly. They expected the slow approach, it was the same every time.
He finally arrives, a fresh drink in his hand. He greets his friends warmly with hugs. The banter between them begins immediately. They trade stories of the events occurring over the last week. He's known them for a long time; knows just what to say to bring them to laughter.
He is skillful in keeping the words flowing. In reality, however, he is not closely paying attention to the course of the conversation. He has other thoughts occupying his mind.
Lately, to him the world seems like nothing more than a stage and life feels like an elaborate performance. The conversations have become just words spoken perfectly on cue. And the responses are just reflexive from years of "rehearsal".
That "performance", in fact, is precisely what his mind is racing about.
As he chats with his friends, he looks at them closely. He watches their movements and watches how they interact with one another. Sideways glances, quick touches, flickering eye contact. They are clearly lovers. It seems that they are intensely aware of each other.
He steals another quick look around the room. He notices similar interactions amongst many pairs. Some are lovers, but most of them are not.
He considers that he is surrounded by groups people -- most he knows by name. He's already had dozens of conversations tonight. However, he feels unfulfilled and alone. It seems unbelievable that he is so well known and in spite of that, still he feels a dull ache in his soul.
He is often surprised that in a room full of people, he does not share that particular bond with anyone. He is acutely aware that as soon as he walks out the door, his whole presence will most likely be forgotten. Like the empty bottle he has in his hand, he will not be thought of again.At least not until next time when he repeats the whole scene over again... like a performance.
He keeps those innermost thoughts well hidden from everyone, including his friends, that his heart aches as he yearns for something more fulfilling. The masterpiece of conversation, laugher, and jokes is just not enough.
He knows that there must be something more. There has to be something more.
As the evening winds down, he grabs his coat and prepares his exit. Hugs, handshakes and smiles to many around the room. He walks out the door.
Alone...
His car door unlocked, he climbs in behind the wheel. As he considers the events of the evening, he turns the ignition. The vehicle roars to life.
He picks up his cell phone, punches in a few numbers as he puts the car into gear.
"Hello?" he hears over the speaker.
That one word was all it took. His heart and soul begin to warm as he knows that he is not alone.
