Back to Work

It's Monday and I am back to work.

Surprisingly, I am actually being pretty productive today. "Whoa," I thought to myself... can't have that happen. So naturally, what do you think happened next? Of course, I decided to take a break and blog for a minute.

As a departure from my usual blog... I guess I don't really have any particular point in mind today. Just a few random thoughts for the day....

...Random Thought 1... boy did i have a great vacation this weekend... nothing like nice weather, a little shopping, good food, fun people, and good conversation.

...Random Thought 2... life is moving both too quickly and too slowly... I really wish that some things would just go away... and along those same lines, I really need to slow down, smell the roses and enjoy life.

...Random Thought 3... beer is good... what makes beer better is a good friend or two to enjoy it with.

...Random Thought 4... I am NOT cryptic. Mysterious, yes. Cryptic, no.

...Random Thought 5... As it turns out, I am not as patient as I previously thought. Oh, i can wait. I have been. But honestly... isn't enough, enough?

...Random Thought 6... Don't fuck with me. I really do have a Sicilian temper. It may take a while, but when I am finally pushed to the limit, you won't be happy.

...Random Thought 7... Damn, the weather is nice today...

...Random Thought 8... People who act like assholes do it for a reason. Simply, they are assholes. At one point I thought that there was no way some people could be THAT stupid. As it turns out, they are not that stupid... they are simply assholes. Recently, I have deal with a couple... personally and professionally. I hope that someday they get treated as poorly as they treat others.

...Random Thought 9... I don't talk in circles. I do however always try to establish my point, then support my point with relevant statements and examples. Thank god there are people out there who get that....

...Random Thought 10... If I work hard, I will meet my goal. My goal is to be better than you. How do you feel about that?

...Random Thought 11... I've met some really nice new friends lately... I am looking forward to getting to know you better!

...Random Thought 12... When is my new car gonna get here?

...Random Thought 13... Apparently good things really do come to those who wait... I have gotten a couple really interesting phone calls and emails today! Nice! Now say it with cash!

Okay, I think I've pretty much exhausted the thoughts rolling around in my brain today... I really should get back to being productive.

"We Need to Talk."

Why do those four words inspire a sense of dread for everyone hears them? And why does a pit develop in the stomach of everyone who must utter them? Whatever the reason, they seem to be an unpleasant prelude to some tough conversation.

Four simple words... "We Need to Talk..." they usually end up being the catalyst of some big complex messy situation. Even the most innocuous of circumstances always seems enlarged with the addition of those words. Even the smallest problem seems amplified by them.

I've uttered them myself a few times. I always had the best intentions. I always thought that if I was just honest, whatever the concern was would just be recognized, worked on, and ultimately would go away. Maybe it was me, maybe it wasn't, but overall... it's never worked out that way.

As soon as the words are spoken, we immediately try to shield ourselves against the storm that just may be brewing. We try to review what on earth it is that we could have done wrong. What happened? Can it be fixed? Or is it the start of a bigger problem?

We start preparing our mental defenses to be and try to be ready for the worst case scenario. Am I in trouble? Am I getting fired? Am I spending the night on the couch or is the relationship in trouble? Is it over?

So it's no surprise that when I heard the words not once, but twice today from two different people, my stomach automatically started twisting and my head started spinning.

The second person who said that to me followed up the first four words with "you don't have anything to be concerned about". I've heard nothing more on the topic... yet.

The first person who uttered those words today resolved themselves kinda quickly and it turned out to be a big non-event. In fact, I even feel a little silly for being nervous.

So now I am waiting... and wondering. What could it be? Am I over-reacting? I guess it wouldn't be the first time. Although, I'm mentally preparing for the worst, I'm hoping the outcome ends up being just as big of a non-event as the first.

Time to play the waiting game, I guess.

Oprah... and loss.

Oprah mourns death of her dog Gracie

July 18, 2007 at 1:20 pm

Oprah Winfrey is mourning the death of her 2-year-old golden retriever, Gracie.

"Weeks have passed," Winfrey says in the August issue of O, the Oprah Magazine. "And the pain has not subsided. Every time I think about it, my heart starts racing and I feel like I just got stabbed in the chest."

On May 26, Gracie choked to death on a plastic ball that belonged to Sophie, Winfrey's 12-year-old cocker spaniel, while out with her dog walker and two other golden retrievers, Winfrey says.

"I ran barefoot out of the house and found the dog walker and one of my security guys pumping her chest," Winfrey, 53, recalls. "Just as I reached them, the security guy looked up and said, `I'm sorry, ma'am. We tried everything. I'm sorry. She's gone.'"

Winfrey who "stood there dazed, stunned, crying" as Gracie was placed in a golf cart says she learned this lesson: Enjoy life but remember to slow down, too.

"She never stopped moving. Was energy in motion. ... I have never seen a being, human or animal, always so full of joy," Winfrey says of Gracie, who ran amok and gulped food and treats.

"This dog lived every moment as though it were her last."
Winfrey says she "got the message" to slow down and catch her breath when Gracie died.

"I don't believe in accidents," says the host of "The Oprah Winfrey Show." "I know for sure that everything in life happens to help us live."

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Death, depression, anxiety, and relationship splitting all have something in common... dealing with strong emotions, loss, and grieving. It is a tough concept for most folks to get their heads around. The symptoms and feelings that Oprah describes are common amongst those who are dealing with loss of any kind.

Loss is such a relative concept. Who says that certain types of loss are bigger than others? Don't marginalize Oprah's loss because it was "just a pet."

Don't marginalize any losses...

Certainly there may be varying levels and degrees, but overall the feelings are the same. The healing process is still the same.

There is also no one right way to cope. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone views their own losses and the losses of others in a different way. It all seems like such a simple thing to solve when it's not happening to you.

It's been said that "time heals everything". Sure, tell Oprah that. Tell anyone who had a loss that and see how much better it makes them feel.

It doesn't. At least not in the short term.

Nobody wants to hear how they will feel better in a few weeks, months or years. Grief, loss, and the feelings associated with it are so consuming that most people need a must faster solution than waiting around.

In some cases, just the act of waiting for the feelings to go away is even more painful than the initial loss.

So in the short term, what stops the pain, the thoughts, and the feelings of hopelessness and dispair? When does the hurt stop? And how long is "short term" before it becomes "long term"? At what point do we stop relying on "time" to heal and move on to try something else?

Action! No!

ARIES: July 24, 2007

You love action. You crave motion. And right now you want to jump into the fray and start fixing the problem. Leaving a situation alone is the best tactic. Sometimes the solution is worse than the problem.

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Wow, who are these horoscope people and how do they know me so well?

A Smile

I've waited a long time to see a smile in my direction... Not just any old smile, but the kind of smile that makes you happy to the core and touches your heart.

(To be clear, I am not talking only a few weeks or months here... It has been quite a long while since I've seen that type of smile.)

Someone smiled at me that way for the first time last night. I am not entirely sure, but I had a feeling it was going to be coming at some point, but I'm rather surprised as to the "how" and "when". I think the fact that it was unexpected shook me to the core more than I ever thought that it would.

It felt wonderful, to be honest. I had forgotten how much a genuine smile could mean when it's directed only at you and no one else.

Groovy, huh?

Behind These Hazel Eyes...

... there is a guy who has had plenty of time to do a lot of thinking over the last few months.

So, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to all those who supported me... it seemed like forever to feel like my life is getting back to normal. Albeit a new type of normal, but normal nonetheless.

I've made tons of mistakes, but the important part is that I've learned from them. I can't believe how much more that I know now than I did way back then. I feel like I am a much bigger and better person.

I'm sure I'm still going to make many many more mistakes through out the course of my life, but hopefully they can be more learning opportunities for me.

Okay, I'm babbling...

Yes, Read My Mind!

Aries 7/17/07: "Are you unconsciously expecting a loved one to read your mind? This person loves you madly, but that simply isn't realistic or reasonable. Recalibrate what you require from this relationship and things will get easier."

Snort. Yes, read my mind! Isn't that what's always expected of me?

dry

It hasn't rained in ages... who's complaining?

Certainly not me. The sunny dry weather has absolutely brightened my mood and overall outlook.

In spite of the dry weather, the flowers in my garden are looking especially fabulous this year. I am amazed that such things of beauty can possibly push their way through the dry cracked earth.

I love flowers...

I dunno, in a weird sort of way, it kinda reminds me of how the phoenix rises from the ashes to start anew.

Or the soul of a person.

Here's the choice: Give up, stop watering and watching them wither and die... or take a chance... water them carefully and eventually they will bloom.

Hmmmmm................. I have to go water my garden now.